WEEPING WILLOW

Today has been a weepy day and one that reminds me just how long of a road to recovery I have. I began the morning with an impromptu doctor's appointment because of extra tenderness and swelling under my arm and continued swelling of my feet. From the moment I made the appointment I had a sense of dread that would not go away. I feared that when I went they were going to do something that would hurt or that I would get bad news. The areas where the drains exit my body are already sore enough!!

Well, the doctor noticed the pronounced swelling and did an ultrasound. Luckily she did not find anything of extreme alarm but did want to drain the area with a needle. (Fear number one realized.....it's going to hurt). YES the procedure was painful but the outcome was that no internal bleeding existed and my drains were working properly. YEAH!! But needless to say.....the other shoe did  drop. (Fear number two realized...yes there was more bad news).

During the visit the doctor reviewed the surgery and findings in detail with me. She removed 15 lymph nodes of which three were positive for cancer. There were four cancer spots in my left breast which bumped my original diagnosis from Stage 2 to Stage 3 and now I have to add radiation treatments after chemotherapy. Not to mention that my drains will stay in for a minimum of three weeks. Yes.....just when you think things can't get much better right?!?!? And to add insult to injury I had to stand there while the medical assistant took more pictures of my mutilated body. IT WAS HORRID!!!

Today was definitely an emotional low for me that I did not soon recover from. My day has been filled with silent tears and despondency. The highlight of my day was seeing my children. I miss them so. I have been recuperating at my dad and step-mom's so she can clear and empty my drains and help me not do anything. I can't lift anything heavier than a 2-liter (which eliminates even my purse). Thanks to family who have been helping me along the way and friends for their constant support and words of encouragement...not to mention the meals!! I am soooooo spoiled.

So, I am finished with tears for today and to my friend and colleague Taylor Haydock, I will "Weep no more, my lady!"