Thursday, March 1, 2012

Missing You

As I sit here receiving one of my last cancer treatments I can't help but reflect on where this journey has taken me. It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride with many twists and turns, ups and downs, and a couple of inside out loops! Through it all I have laughed, cried, and slept for days on end just to name a few emotions.

Being this close to the end of the road for my cancer treatment has me emotional. Ecstatic is an understatement for how I feel. I only have one treatment left and in three weeks I will receive a clean bill of health and be released from care except for my yearly check-ups and scans. Lord knows I have had more than enough set-backs than the law should allow but it has made me more than ready for this milestone. I will receive my last treatment on March 15th and my last MUGA scan on March 29th, just in time for spring break. Needless to say I shall reward myself this year with a trip and a grand celebration.

With all the celebration of being cancer-free there is also someone that needs to mourned. Someone I will miss dearly and that is ME. During this journey I have caught glimpses of my pre-cancer self and I miss her. I miss her energy and never-ending vibrant enthusiasm and other aspects of that bubbly personality. I'm sure you may have seen her peek her head out and even hang out for a spell but she doesn't stay out long. She tires much more easily and therefore doesn't spend nearly as much time in public as she did in the past.

Cancer has effected my life in ways I never would have imagined. GOOD and BAD. It has ravaged my body, turned my life upside down, wreaked havoc on my finances, robbed me of my energy, and played disappearing acts with my hair, just to name a few. The ONE thing cancer could not do was break my spirit and, if anything, it has strengthened my faith.

So as I say my final farewell to cancer and treatment I must also bid adieu to shadows of my former self. But if I had to put my feelings into words I would have to borrow these:

I've had some good days, I've had some hills to climb
I've had some weary days and sleepless nights
but when I look around and start to think things over
all of my good days outweigh my bad days
and I won't complain