Friday was a day of mourning for me. I'm sure I spent the greater part of the day in tears. First for the inability to pick up my baby and secondly for having lost "MY GIRLS" for the second time.
I went to yet another doctor's appointment to discover I had developed an infection that will cause me to lose the tissue expanders that guaranteed me a set of new and improved boobs.
As I lay propped up on the examination table while the doctor explained that I would have to have another surgery to remove them the tears began to flow. I thought to myself, seriously, can I please catch at least one break here. And I began to mourn. I didn't feel like hearing how in the grand scheme of things they're just breasts and my life was more important or about how I'm so strong and I can make it through this. I wanted to cry HARD and so I did. The doctor stood next to me silently for a while and asked me if there was anything he could do. I wanted to say, "Unless you can pull a perky pair of cocoa colored size D boobs from the pocket of your lab coat and sew them on right now then HELL NO. JERK." But instead I shook my head no and kept crying.
This morning as I sit in my dad's recliner I realize I'm tired. I'm tired of wanting to sit still and not move because if I do something is going to hurt. I'm tired of the pain. So in this moment right now I don't care if I don't get boobs because I just want the pain to go away. Which means that right now I am okay with it.
Don't release your sigh of relief yet because this feeling is not going to last. When the pain goes away I'm going to get mad and be PISSED!!
Wait for it...........