I Give Myself Away

I am sitting here at almost two o'clock in the morning and I am beyond tired but tonight my mind will not let my body go to sleep......so blog I must.

For the past few days I have lived in a body that has not felt like my own. If you read my last blog then you have somewhat an idea of what I am referring to. Today I have spent a great part of the day in my recliner listening to music and happened upon a song by William McDowell titled, "I Give Myself Away". This is the second time in two days that I have happened across this song in the most unusual of ways and I consider it more than coincidental, especially when I listen to the lyrics. They have left me unsettled and I've been thinking and reflecting and thinking and reflecting and thinking some more.....so this is what I have concluded:

I have been dealt this hand of breast cancer for a reason. It was not just by chance that it was given to me. I firmly believe that all things happen for a reason but whether I am privy to the explanation is an entirely different issue. I do try to make sense of the things that happen in my life so that I can learn from them in one form or another. From the beginning of this journey I didn't carry a great deal of fear because MY God would not give me something this hard to bear if he didn't feel I was equipped to handle it. That is my conviction.

Having said that, I believe this song speaks to me for this reason:

1. I have been struggling lately with the idea of friends and family members who truly have not been there to support me in the way I felt they should and I've been angry about it. If you love me show it, don't say it.  Today I have been able to let that go because of some of the lyrics of this song.

Take my heart

Take my life

As a living sacrifice

All my dreams, all my plans

Lord I place them in your hands

My life is not my own

To you I belong

I give myself, I give myself to you

I give myself away

So you can use me

After focusing on these lyrics my realization is that now I have to sacrifice my struggle as a way to help others. There may be someone who is also going through this and may not have the determination or strength to fight their way through. Knowing that 1 out of every 7 women will suffer from breast cancer tells me that someone who is reading or who has read my blog will experience this tragedy if they haven't already and maybe it could help them. But more importantly, if you can help others in any way DO IT!! There is absolutely no way I could even sit here and write these if it weren't for the people who have helped me along the way. Take time to be selfless. You have no idea the impact it makes in the lives of others.

Tonight my friend Nicki came over, brought groceries and fixed dinner for me and my family. She even picked Zion up from daycare. She fixed each child's plate and just the way they wanted it and even fixed mine and brought it to me. But there was something she did that made me cry....and she doesn't even know it. After doing all that, washing dishes, and cleaning the kitchen she gave Zion a bath for me and put him to bed. It seems so small but it meant EVERYTHING to me in that moment.

Each day you should find some way, big or small, to give yourself away. You never know how much it means to someone who needs it.