Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Cups Half Empty

It's been awhile since my last post and I've challenged myself to do a post each month. Although the melodramatic era of my cancer is over, and has been for a while, there are always challenges you face on a regular basis. I have quickly learned that cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. Whether it be my lymphedema-swollen upper left quadrant (which I have had to go back for treatment on), the less-than normal "breast" (and I use that term loosely) exams I have to have every 3-6 months, the ankle swelling, the constant coldness of my hands and feet, blah.blah.blah......
Lately, I have noticed myself grieving the loss of my cleavage. I MISS MY BREASTS. It's not something new. I've experienced this feeling before, but this time the feeling has lingered. Maybe it's because, as I am planning for my wedding, the dress I am dying to wear would require a strapless bra. I can't support that....LITERALLY!! Maybe it's because of the way my prostheses float abnormally in my swimsuit, at times, during water aerobics, threatening to suffocate me. Maybe it's because mastectomy bras are basically unappealing. Or maybe it's because I often have to wear camis or tank tops under certain shirts to keep my lack of cleavage from being noticeable. Whatever the reason, it's cause for concern.
I could have kept one breast but I have a 'thing' for symmetry and the idea of one boob 'flopping' around is rather unappealing. Besides, there was a likely chance it might have killed me anyway. *shoulder shrug*
I have my moments.
Now, with all of that being said, I am STILL glad to be in the land of the living, no breasts and all! I could have easily not been a survivor but God saw differently and for that, I am eternally grateful. We could spend countless hours complaining about the would've, could've, and should've in our lives but what would be the gain? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
No  more complaints.
I thank God that I am able to watch my children grow up, for blessing me with a mate that loves me in ways I never thought imaginable, and for giving me a grateful spirit and the strength to have endured it all. Now,  I'm going to go put a little extra stuffing in my bra and KEEP IT MOVING!

1 comment:

  1. Well said Fi! You are a true inspiration for everyone who is experiencing or has experience breast cancer. I love your unwavering attitude and sense of humor regarding such a serious issue for all women & men. KUDOS!!!!! to you, my dear friend. I know our relationship is not the same as it once was but I hope one day we can rekindle our friendship. I love and miss you truly. Mores so, I am overwhelmed with joy that you found someone who loves you and you want to spend the rest of your life with. Love is so important. I am screaming for you. If anyone deserves these wonderful blessings. I would definitely have to say it is my dear friend Fionna! Sending lots of love and hugs to a terrific, warm, humorous friend.
    Warmest Regards,
    M. Lee